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Sunday Scribblings

September 27, 2010

#234 – Love

Loving him was always the easy part.

Keeping him was the harder part. It is a terrible thing to realize that you’re in a book, about a life, about a relationship and you’re the antagonist.

He woke early on the morning of my birthday- a beautiful, radiant day. I kept him waiting all day. He was going to take me to the museum and then to a picnic lunch. I promised in September to see a new movie in November with him. I went with my sisters instead. He confessed, gently, against the still of the day in the chill of October that he loved me. I remained quiet, then, awkwardly too late, I reciprocated.

He brought me white roses one morning because he never had. I drank too much champagne and embarassed him in front of aquaintances, even if they didn’t realize it. He listed to my songs and closed his eyes against the strumming of the guitar. I fell asleep during the films he asked me to watch; the ones that shaped him as a person: The Quiet Man, An American in Paris, Schindler’s List and Cyrano.

He let me into his family: his little daughter and his parents. I remained distant, the orphan, consummate loner. His daughter took me by the hand and led me through the aquarium on her birthday, pointing the starfish, the rays and the anemones. He looked on indulgently- he had the deluded preclusion that I would ever be a mother.

I let him down- I didn’t follow through and I didn’t complete. No matter how fiercely, how loyaly I loved him; no matter with what heat, intensity or tenacity.

Loving is the easy part.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. September 27, 2010 10:36 pm

    awesome reflections of love.
    love your honesty.

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