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I’m Movin’ On Up… A Pants Size

September 10, 2010

Ok, so for the sake of my poor, fractured self esteem, remember that I KNOW SIZES ZERO AND TWO ARE VERY, VERY SMALL. But please, remember that my pants manifesto is a universal message- we are all the same in our hearts, whether size 16 or six. We all know the trauma that can ensue when our pants are too small.

Monday: wake up, put on pants. They’re too tight. Do a few squats- it must be because they’re newly washed.

Tuesday: wake up, put on pants. They’re too tight. Take off, put on yoga pants. Much better.

Wednesday: wake up, put on dress.

Thursday: wake up, put on post-pregnancy pants. Have to change for a funeral mid-day. Can’t breath through a two hour catholic burial mass. Unzip them in the car on the ride home.

Friday: wake up, put on post-pregnancy pants. Realize that it’s time to buy new pants.

Ok, I get it. I’m one of the lucky ones. I still own pants from middle-school that still (kind-of) fit. They fit until August, at least. But now, I’m forced to brave the jeans world for the first time in my adult life. I’m serious. And this is what I find.

Product Image Mossimo Supply Co. Juniors Skinny Jean - Destructed


Aaurgh!!! I’ve been put through a wood-chipper and am alive to tell the tale! Target- $19.99

I’ve sat on a bench whose paint is still drying. Don’t worry, it’s a fashion thing. Old Navy $19

Personally, I don’t even have a comment. Urban Outfitters $39

Moto Jegging, Monterey Wash

Come on, New York and Company! You’re my go-to place for psuedo-classy non-descript ware! And you give me this!? With Christion Louboutin shoes? Come on, let’s get flashier, say?!  $34


I rest my case at jeggings. I don’t want to talk about it. Hue – $34.99

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